In this article, I will be talking about Christmas and everything surrounding it.
Imagine a list of topics, now imagine that it’s actually Santa’s list, and now we are going to go over that list and talk about what’s on it. Got that?
Quick what a gift no one wants but everyone gets at least once… You probably thought “clothes” didn’t you? Well too bad we’re talking about gifts that are Christmas-themed. Now, what do I mean by a Christmas-themed gift? Well, it’s a gift that is given that can only be used during Christmas. The best example of this would be getting an ornament for Christmas, or even worse, an advent calendar.
Now that I’ve talked about the worst types of gifts, I would like to take a moment and say that if you get a piece of clothing for Christmas, don’t be upset. Clothing is something that is used on a daily basis and a good or even amazing piece of clothing shouldn’t be met with a groan. Hell, you might be wearing a piece of clothing you got for Christmas right now, as you are reading this, and that only strengthens the point I’m trying to make.
So please, do your parents a favor and don’t throw a hissy fit over socks.
I don’t loathe a lot this Christmas
I just hate a certain song
Last Christmas a joke was made
about this lady, and how she unthaws.
I just want to be alone
more than you could ever know.
So please make this wish come true
I just want this song Subdued.
I’m certain all of you know what I’m talking about and that’s Mariah Carey’s hit Christmas song, “All I want for Christmas is you” released in… wait a minute… really 1994? Didn’t think it was that old. Anyway, back to the point, which is that this song has been playing in almost every convenience store in the country for the past 28 years. Apparently, jeez it’s gonna be 30 soon. I’m getting off-topic though the point is most of us are sick of this song, and for good reason. Every time you turn on the radio in December, there’s an 80% chance that this song is gonna come on, and a 50% chance that it’s gonna be replayed within the next hour.
So why? Why is this song still played year after year? Why is Mariah Carey still a prominent figure when a lot of people are sick of her? Why are there 2 re-recordings of the song that were released only 1 year apart from each other!? All these answers and more, are right now.
For one the song’s just good. This a thing a lot of people don’t want to admit but is sadly true. Secondly, there are still a lot of people out there who don’t mind this song at all, and it has to do with one singular thing. A good 50% of people haven’t worked in retail and never experienced the pain of listening to a certain song on repeat. Along with the fact that people in the world just don’t let this type of thing bother them. So the lesson here is don’t let a pop song from the earlier 90s get on your nerves.
Let’s get this out of the way. Gingerbread cookies, candy canes, ham. Okay, now we can get into the more interesting food. Starting with Australia where there is the “White Christmas”, a dessert consisting of a base of copha with dried fruit baked in it. which in other words means it’s coconut fruit cake.
Now as we move on to Belgium we will find a loaf of bread in the shape of baby Jesus… yeah no I’m not joking that’s the only Christmas food they have listed on Wikipedia.
They call it Cougnou, and it shouldn’t be confused with another similar food called “kings cake”, which is a cake that has a tiny man inside of it, and whoever’s slice has the tiny man, wins a prize.
This oddly specific dish is popular in Louisiana. Surprisingly, the dessert is usually served during Mardi Gras and not Christmas. Weirdly enough though they still use the baby Jesus figure in the cake, and in 2009 the baby was made into a seasonal mascot, and the Louisiana baseball team was periodically named the baby cakes.
Remember when I was talking about Christmas food, yeah me neither.
Do you hear that it’s coming from your tv that you left on when going to the bathroom? It’s the sound of ADVERTISING! That’s right, the thing we all dread most this time of year. Trying to be sold on something as silly as a new flavor of sprite. Even worse, these ads could promote the horrid tradition known as BLACKFRIDAY! It’s like the companies are luring you to your own death, OOOOH OOOH scary.
Yet there’s something worse than advertising that will occur this season. It’s the fact that you will and have to LOOK AT PHOTOs OF YOU SITTING ON MALL SANTA’s LAP! Now all your family members that visit have to look at what you were like in middle school OH NOOOOOOOOO!
It gets worse though my friend. Imagine waking up on Christmas day. Seeing a present wrapped with your name on it. You open your present and find that YOUR OWN GRANDMOTHER GOT YOU GROCERIES FOR CHRISTMAS!
These are the ghosts of Christmas tropes. Be wary reader, for these very things could affect even YOU! BEWARE! BEWAAAREEEE!
Merry Christmas (: